Talking to your parents about aging, illness, and death is hard. It’s one of the hardest conversations you can have–but it’s also one of the most important. The feelings that might come up during the conversation, if uncomfortable, are better than the feelings that would otherwise come up when an emergency happens and there is no plan in place for taking care of them (or even a consensus among relatives on how to move forward). As we always say in our office: “it is better to have a plan and not need it than to need it and not have it.”
With that said, directly asking a loved one “hey, what would happen if you died today?” might not be the best way to start the conversation. So let’s consider some better alternatives to open the conversation about estate planning.
1. Tell your loved one what you’re doing for your own estate planning
Telling your loved one about your own estate plan, or your wishes to create your own estate plan, might make them consider making one themselves. Tell them what is in your Last Will and Testament, whether you have a Trust, and who you have chosen to act as your Power of Attorney. Hearing about your concerns for your own aging and death, and hearing how you’ve decided to navigate the future, will give them an idea of where to start, which is often the hardest part. Many people also struggle to decide on an estate planning attorney. It is important that the Nashville attorney they hire aligns with their needs. Hearing about your own process of hiring an attorney, and how you determined which one would be the right fit for you, can help them navigate the difficult world of hiring a Tennessee Wills and Estate Planning lawyer.
2. Talk about other situations that have happened that worried you or made you curious
Many of us know at least one person who has suffered the loss of a loved one and then had to endure the resulting feud among the family. These feuds happen so frequently that a significant number of fictional stories are based on them. Unfortunately, plenty of them could have been avoided if a clear plan had been put in place. And these feuds rarely start right after the death—many of them start much earlier, when the loved one’s health began to decline and someone had to step up to take care of them. Estate planning does not just mean deciding what happens after you die; it also means deciding what happens if your health begins to decline. If there is no plan in place for declining health, it will be up to the family to decide what happens. Even the closest of siblings can begin to resent one another if they feel that their parents’ care is not being handled properly.
Although it is fictional, the feud in This is Us between the siblings regarding their mother’s care is an accurate portrayal of what can happen in these situations. The siblings argued on what kind of medical treatment their mother should receive, and again on where she should live and who should look after her. Although all of the siblings had the best of intentions and loved each other and their mother, the feud nonetheless happened. The mother sensed the feud would escalate once her diagnosis advanced, and so she decided to name her daughter (her most level-headed child) as her healthcare power of attorney. Although the siblings still butted heads with one another, the daughter was able to carry out her mother’s wishes.
There are plenty of other examples in books and TV of families feuding over a loved one’s care or death. Talking about these hypothetical situations might make it easier to begin the conversation about aging and death.
3. Ask what would happen to their children, pets, and home if they were in a medical emergency
While discussions about aging and death might be intimidating, discussions about medical emergencies might be easier to handle. Medical emergencies can happen to anyone at any time. Our office even recommends that eighteen year olds get power of attorney documents in place, as it is important for them to have someone able to speak to medical professionals on their behalf in the event of an emergency. Since medical emergencies can happen to anyone, loved ones who do not like having their age pointed out might be more receptive to the conversation. If you know your loved one is anxious about having a stroke or falling down stairs, and tends to avoid or shut down conversation about either of those scenarios, it might be a good idea to use another medical emergency in your conversation (like a car accident, for example). While it is important for your loved one to confront their anxieties, it is not always our place to force them into a confrontation. Using a more neutral example (like the car accident) instead of one they constantly worry about might be a good way to ease them into the conversation.
4. Ask if they can show you where their estate planning documents are
After signing estate planning documents with our clients, we tell them to please let their family know their wishes and how to find the original documents. After all, the estate planning documents are only as good as the family’s ability to find them. In the event of a medical emergency or death, the signer of the documents will not be able to locate them. If no one else knows where they are or how to find them, the documents become effectively useless. It is therefore of the utmost importance that loved ones know where to locate the original documents. If you know or suspect that your loved one already has a plan in place, ask them where the documents are and how they plan to transfer the documents into the right hands in the event of an emergency or death.
For more information on how to talk to your loved ones about aging, illness, and death, we encourage you to check out The Conversation Project.
Tennessee law permits you to write your own will. Some people choose to handwrite theirs. Online services are another popular way to create a Will and other important documents inexpensively. As long as the Will meets the legal requirements, it is likely to be admitted to probate court in Tennessee.
However, just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. Believe me, I love a bargain too- it can be really tempting to find a low cost option for something that is expensive and, well, a little scary. Most people have never met with an attorney before and the idea is intimidating. It’s understandable.
However, a fellow probate attorney once said “online services are a probate lawyer’s best friend.” This is the prevailing thought among probate attorneys, because we see so many Wills that were not prepared by attorneys, and ultimately end up costing the family more in court costs than it would have cost to meet with an attorney and prepare the Will and other important documents.
I like to compare it to pest control. You know that if termites invade your house, it will end up costing tens of thousands of dollars to repair the structural damage they can cause. Would you prefer to pay $150 per year up front to prevent an infestation, or let them do the damage and then pay to fix it?
So let’s look at some of the issues that cause self-created Wills to have problems when we go to court. Here are some of the main pitfalls that we see with DIY wills:
1. Improperly Executed
Unless you have legal training specific to estate law, you may not be familiar with the exact requirements of the type of document you are trying to create. Tennessee law provides for several types of Wills, and each of them have different requirements for signing. Some of them will require witnesses to come to court, which you may want to avoid. Fun fact: No Tennessee law requires a Will to be notarized. Guessing you didn’t know that!
2. Improper use or misunderstanding of terms
A Will uses a lot of terms that we don’t use in everyday life. These words are used to communicate information to the Judge when the Will is probated. However, if you are writing your own Will or using a form, you may not know the effect that these words have in practice. While our attorneys try to use more commonplace language when writing Wills, we need to be able to get your point across. Words like “fiduciary,” “per stirpes,” “per capita,” “ademption,” and “executrix” are not terms we use, but as experienced estate planning and probate attorneys, we know how to use them correctly to carry out the plan you have in mind. In DIY documents, you may ignore terms that you don’t understand that seem to be boilerplate, or may not fully understand the effect that they will have when your plan is carried out.
3. Missing essential elements
I’ll never forget the day that I had to tell someone that they were unable to help their parent because the Power of Attorney that had been created online did not give them authority to do what needed to be done. I wanted to help, but my hands were tied. In another situation, someone hand wrote their Will but left out an essential part. Because we didn’t have any specific instructions from the Will, we had to go to Court multiple times for Court approval to do things that we were pretty sure they wanted. Those court hearings cost the estate more money than it would have to have an attorney help with the original Will.
4. No contingency plan
One of my least favorite things to do is talk to parents about contingency plans. Usually this means asking who would inherit from you if your children died before you did. No one wants to even think about that. But for estate planning purposes, it’s very important to always have a back up plan. We hope for the best and plan for the worst. And that means discussing uncomfortable things.
5. Plans that are not logistically sound
In a social setting one time, someone mentioned to me that they had created their Will online. They were open to sharing about the experience and mentioned that they had named their parents as their beneficiaries in their Will. There’s nothing wrong with this, but it requires some additional thinking through things. Parents are older than their children, and in most situations the children will outlive the parents. At Graceful Aging Legal Services, PLLC, we want to help you create a plan that needs to be reviewed but hopefully requires few revisions except at big transitions in your life. If you pass away without making changes, we want your planning to go the extra mile for you. Let’s say that you name your parents as beneficiaries of your Will, but no back up beneficiaries. You figure you can update it later- but never get around to it. Eventually you pass with no named beneficiaries, which defeats the purpose of making a Will. An experienced estate planning attorney can help you avoid situations like this and worse.
6. No probate-avoidance planning
Another thing people are confused about is thinking that a Will helps avoid probate. It doesn’t. The purpose of a Will is for a probate court to know what you want when you die so they can carry out your wishes. In a meeting with a good estate planning attorney, you will talk about your goals for your assets when you die and create a plan. Oftentimes we are able to guide clients how to avoid probate. One of my favorite things is when someone comes to us for probate and we are able to tell them that good planning means that they don’t need to go to court.
7. Validate of the Will is easier to challenge
Although having options to create a Will yourself may be beneficial to some, it also creates opportunity for bad actors- or the perception that people are acting with impure motives. Imagine a scenario where your neighbor asks you to draft a will off the internet for them to sign. You may be called into Court to testify about how the Will was created, your neighbors medical condition at the time the Will was created, to what extent you helped, and if you inherited anything you’ll be looked at with additional scrutiny. Having a lawyer involved not only protects the Will and the Will-maker, but also the family and friends involved. We know how to prevent claims of undue influence and ensure the Will document is valid.
When you write your own Will, you don’t know what mistakes you might make. Unfortunately, by the time the Will is submitted to probate, you won’t be around to make clarifications. The Court will have to go by what is written in the Will. Your family will be stuck with what you wrote, or risk the Court finding that your Will is invalid and throwing out all of the work you did to create it in the first place. If your family thinks that you didn’t mean what you wrote, they will have to pay additional costs to help the Court figure out what you meant. When that happens, lawyers get more of your money and your family gets less.
We prefer to work with families who get along, and are on the same page when it comes to their loved one’s estate. It makes the probate process (if there is one), easier both emotionally and financially. We don’t like to make money correcting mistakes or with families who have been left in a difficult position. If you find yourself in this situation, we’re happy to help but we’d much prefer that you not be there in the first place.
If you have an online will or were thinking about it, sign up here for our virtual estate planning challenge to think through all of the things you need before you even meet with an attorney.
Families today come in many beautiful and diverse forms. Whether you’re part of a blended family, a queer couple raising children, or a co-parenting arrangement that doesn’t fit the traditional mold, estate planning becomes especially important—and sometimes, a little more complicated.
One question that comes up frequently is whether a second-parent adoption is necessary or recommended. Here’s what you need to know—and how to decide if it’s the right move for your family.
What Is Second-Parent Adoption?
Second-parent adoption is a legal process where one parent adopts their partner’s biological or legally adopted child without terminating the first parent’s legal rights. It’s commonly used in families where both parents are raising a child, but only one is legally recognized as the parent under state law.
For example, in some states, if a child is born to a married same-sex couple, both spouses are not automatically recognized as legal parents. If a child is born through assisted reproductive technology, the non-biological parent may not be on the birth certificate. In blended families, a stepparent may be acting as a full-time parent without any legal status. Without legal parental rights, the second parent may have no say in medical decisions, no custody rights in the event of separation, and no automatic inheritance rights without a proper estate plan.
Why Legal Recognition Matters
Even if your day-to-day family life functions seamlessly, legal recognition ensures your parental role is protected—especially in moments of crisis. A second-parent adoption:
Grants full parental rights, including custody and decision-making power
Gives your child legal access to benefits like Social Security or health insurance through you
It can also protect your family if you move to a state with different laws or face challenges from extended family members in times of stress or grief.
Alternatives and Supplements to Adoption
Second-parent adoption isn’t the only tool available. Depending on your state and circumstances, other legal documents can help:
Custody or parenting agreements can be drafted to reflect your roles and expectations.
Healthcare proxies and powers of attorney ensure your partner can make decisions in an emergency.
Still, none of these carry the same weight or permanence as legal parentage through adoption.
Is Second-Parent Adoption Right for You?
It depends on several factors:
Your state laws: Some states automatically recognize both parents in a marriage or civil union, others do not.
Your family structure: Are you co-parenting with a former partner? Are you a step-parent raising a child from a prior relationship?
Your long-term goals: Do you want your partner or spouse to have full parental rights in every legal sense?
An experienced estate planning attorney can help you and your blended family understand the landscape and weigh your options.
Final Thoughts
Every family deserves the peace of mind that comes from knowing your legal rights match your lived reality. Whether it’s through second-parent adoption, estate planning tools, or both, we’re here to help you build a plan that fits your unique family.If you have questions about your next steps, let’s talk.Click here to schedule an initial call today!
Probate is the name for the legal process of distributing assets after someone passes away. These assets can include bank accounts, real estate, vehicles, retirement accounts, life insurance, and financial investments. Before the assets can be distributed, however, they must first be gathered and used to pay creditors.
After that, the heirs can finally receive their distribution of the estate. However, even then, there are several factors that can still delay the distribution process. In our practice, it is common for probate to last about nine months. In more complex cases, probate can easily last several more months or even years. These delays ultimately mean less money and more headache for the surviving family.
Let’s go through the factors that cause delays in probate, and discuss what steps can be taken to minimize the delay.
1. Passing away without an Estate Plan
If you pass away without an estate plan, your loved ones will have to go to probate court. The court will appoint someone among them to be the “Personal Representative.” The Personal Representative will be responsible for contacting all of the financial institutions about your death. They will also be responsible for using your funds to pay creditors and ultimately make distributions to your heirs.
When there is no estate plan, the process for appointing a Personal Representative can be seriously delayed. The family will have to come to a consensus on who the Personal Representative will be before they present their choice to the court. Moreover, whoever is selected as Personal Representative is often not prepared for the role, as they had not been told to expect it. The process of going through all of your finances and contacting all of your financial institutions might be overwhelming for them, especially if they did not know your finances very well. Moreover, they will be responsible for mediating tension between the family, which is made even more difficult if members of the family do not think you explicitly wanted them to serve as Personal Representative.
Having an estate plan would minimize all of these consequences and delays. By having an estate plan, your family will already know who you want to represent your estate, which will make the process for appointing a representative much smoother. The person you select to represent your estate will also be better prepared for the role, as they are aware that they will one day need to fulfill the role.
The best way to minimize delays in probate is thus to have a clear estate plan in place, and to let your family and loved ones know about your intentions.
2. Family Tension
Even with an estate plan, family dynamics can still play a major role in probate. For example, if the only major asset that you have at the time of your death is your house, and one of your heirs would like to live in it while the other heirs would rather sell it and keep the sale value, tension will ensue and attorneys may need to get involved. All of this will ultimately lead to a delay of the probate process, and may ultimately divide the family in an irreparable way.
Feuds such as the one described happen even in the most loving of families. To avoid these feuds, it is important to not only have an estate plan, but to have one drafted by an experienced estate planning attorney. An experienced estate planning attorney will be familiar with cases such as the one described and will be able to help you think through exactly what you would want to happen if these cases occur. Your estate plan will thus be better able to help your family navigate your precise wishes for your assets, ultimately easing tension and expediting the probate process.
Hiring an estate planning attorney to draft your estate plan is one of the most important steps you can take to minimize probate delays.
3. Financial Complications
If you keep your finances private, it will be difficult for your intended heirs to know what to expect after you pass away. They may not even know where you bank and what financial investments you have. The more difficult it is for them to know your finances, the more difficult it will be for them to notify your financial institutions of your death and gather accounts.
Furthermore, if you are in debt or are not paying your taxes, your Personal Representative will be responsible for using your assets to pay your creditors and the IRS. This can cause serious delays to the probate process, especially if the Personal Representative was unaware. Creditors will ensure they receive their payments by filing claims against the estate through probate court. These claims ultimately slow down the probate process as each claim requires a hearing before a judge.
To save your family time, headache, and grief after your death, it is important that you keep your finances in order. Pay off debt when you can, and keep a clear record of it. File your yearly taxes appropriately. Let your loved ones (especially your Personal Representative) know of your finances and how to contact each financial institution in case something happens.
Even in the best of cases, probate takes a while. To minimize delays, we recommend having an experienced estate planning attorney draft your estate plan, clearly telling your loved ones of your intentions, and keeping your finances in order as much as possible. Your loved ones will already be filled with grief after your death. The best gift you can give them is preparation.
Here at Graceful Aging Legal Services, we offer software that can help our clients keep their estate in order. Contact us at 615-846-6201 or hello@galsnashville.com if interested.
When it comes to estate planning, you’ve probably heard advice like, “You need a trust” or “Avoid probate at all costs.” While these ideas might hold true for some, not everyone needs a trust, and probate can sometimes be an appropriate step. Understanding these topics can help you make informed decisions for your family. Let’s break down why:
What Is a Trust?
A trust is a legal arrangement that allows you to transfer assets to a Trustee. This person manages the trust for those you want to benefit. One of the advantages is that it helps avoid probate—the court-supervised process of transfering your assets after death. Trusts can provide an additional level of privacy, speed up the transfer of assets, and offer protection for your loved ones in difficult times.
Disadvantages of a Trust
While trusts offer many benefits, they aren’t essential for everyone. For example:
Trusts Can Be Expensive Setting up a trust requires meeting with an attorney to prepare the trust documents and potentially hiring professionals to administer it, which can be costly. For some individuals, these expenses outweigh the potential benefits, particularly if there are simpler ways to achieve the same goals. For example, if your family is in agreement, the Court can waive the requirement of making your assets public.
Trusts Need Active Management Once a trust is created, it needs ongoing attention. You have to transfer assets into the trust, update it as your financial situation changes, and ensure that it remains aligned with your wishes. This level of involvement is unnecessary if simpler tools can efficiently achieve your goals.
How to Save Money on Your Estate Plan with a Will vs. Trust
You’ve probably heard that you want to avoid probate. But in many cases, it’s not as bad as you may think. In fact, sometimes it’s a good thing!
In Some States, Probate Is Streamlined Each state has its own process for probate. Some states, like California and Florida, are complex enough that having a trust is a good idea for most people. However, in Tennessee, probate can be relatively quick, inexpensive, and straightforward, making it less of a concern. Of course, it’s a good idea to listen to your attorney about what is best for your family.
It Provides Oversight Probate ensures that a court oversees the distribution of assets, which can be beneficial for resolving disputes or ensuring that creditors are paid. For families with potential disagreements, this legal oversight might prevent further conflicts.
Not All Assets Go Through Probate Assets such as life insurance policies, retirement accounts, and some jointly owned property pass directly to beneficiaries. If your estate consists of these types of assets, putting them in a trust may not make much sense. In fact, many people structure their estate planning so that nothing will go through probate and then use a will as a back-up plan. (Because you know we always want to have a back-up plan!)
Is a Trust Right for Me?
While it may not be for everyone, a trust may be a good choice if:
You have a large or complex estate.
You own property in multiple states (which could trigger probate in each state).
You want to maintain privacy regarding the distribution of your assets.
You have minor children or beneficiaries who require special care.
Depending on your situation, your attorney may even recommend using a trust as a part of your will, which can be less expensive and time-consuming than creating a stand-alone trust.
Estate planning is not one-size-fits-all, and the decision to create a trust should be tailored to your unique situation. Your estate planning attorney should be able to help you weigh the costs and benefits, address any “what ifs, and explain how the plan reflects your goals. Ultimately, the key is to create a plan that provides peace of mind for you and your loved ones, whatever form that may take.
If you have questions about trusts or other estate planning tools, reach out to our office. We’re here to help you navigate the process and make the best choices for your future.
